Most Harrowing Morning Ever

The most harrowing morning of my life, documented primarily through social & electronic media...

8:48 AM: I wake up. I don't have to go to work. I open my eyes and try to remember which one I have to use to see across the room to the clock. I squint until I figure it out. 8:48. Should I get up, or see if I have another half hour of snooze left in me? Then I remember... the tickets for the final Cross Canadian Ragweed show go on sale at 10:00 AM. Must get up, ingest copious amounts of coffee, get online, and be functional and ready to hit that fan club pre-sale at ten on the dot.

9:15 AM, my first Facebook update of the day: Waking up the brain. Tickets for the FINAL Ragweed show (at Joe's in Chicago 10/24) go on sale at 10AM... must buy. Then see if the writing brain will come online so I can get to know Mitch & Ethan as well as I know Seth & Abby.

Comment from CJM: What, why post that! That's secret info!

My reply: Well, they're only on sale to fan club members for a week... I figure fan club members already know, and those who aren't... still can't buy a ticket till next week.

Comment from CJM: Holy shiznit! Another half an hour! What's that crap!

My reply: I wonder how they're going to handle it. I mean, they could EASILY sell out the club just to fan club members, unless they hold some back for "regular" people.

Comment from CJM: Let's hope that happens. That would be pretty wicked. But I'm terrified of Chicago in October. I have Florida blood. I may freeze to death. But, one last shot of Grady before he starts cuttin' the grass, ooooh sooo worth it.

My reply: I'm terrified of Chicago all the time. Way too much city for me! But you KNOW they're going out with a bang. Wade opens, and I wouldn't be surprised if other friends make appearances, they'll bring the party ON, and might play for hours! MUST be there! Do you know where you're staying yet?

Comment from CJM: My mom is picking the hotel. Her first Ragweed show, is her last too but at least it'll be the most AWESOME show ever!! The night before we're going to see Cheap Trick!! I'm in freakin' concert heaven!!

My reply: Let me know which hotel you pick. I'm not seeing any decent choices anywhere near the club, but I know nothing about Chicago, and don't get a lot of practice tracking down lodging in strange cities.

The moment is near. I am sitting on the Sofur, holding Elroy (my dearly beloved HTC EVO phone), staring at his clock display. I have the email open on the laptop with the link to log onto the fan club site, where I will click on the Joe's show and order the fan club pre-sale tickets.

At 9:57, I sent this text to Tom: Getting ready to buy tickets! X0xo.

It is 9:58... 9:59... 10:00!!! Go, go, goooooo!!!!!!

I am immediately confused. When I get to the "buy tickets" page and click "buy tickets," the description of the show is there, but no little boxy things to choose the price level or quantity. Hit "back." Click more. Same result. Exit and go back to the email, go back to the ticket page, same thing. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh, dammit!!!!!!!!!

A new comment arrives from CJM: Am I stupid? I can't see where I can ACTUALLY BUY THE TICKETS!!

My reply: ME EITHER! Nothing seems to be clickable!!!!! GAAAHHHHH!

Back up. Re-enter the ticket site. Refresh. Refresh. Still no visible way to select and actually buy the tickets. Heart rate escalating. Stomach starting to feel a little sickish. Panic is imminent.

Finally! A price level and quantity box! I enter my selections. Ticket site informs me that they do not have two tickets available.

What??? These things have been on sale for, what, four minutes? Five? And up until thirty seconds ago, I couldn't even start the process to actually buy tickets.

At 10:10 AM I send this private message to CJM: NOW it's saying there aren't 2 tickets available in the $25 level!

Back up. Try again. Nope.

Try again. Almost faint, vomit, have a heart attack, or all three simultaneously. Because now it says... SOLD OUT!

Another comment from CJM: Ah, I feel so complete now!! Thank goodness!!

Huh? She got tickets? That bitch!!!! (Not really. Love CJM.)

My reply: NO! I'm getting SOLD OUT message!

At 10:13, I sent this text to Tom: No! Nonononononooooooo! Sold out???

I check my private messages, and find this reply from CJM: oh wow!! I only bought one $25 and one $15. My mom doesn't need a wristband too.

She also adds a comment to the Facebook update thread we have going: holy shit! I just saw that!! OMG!! I wonder if they had a certain amount of tickets available for fan club members?

My private message reply to CJM: I GOT ZERO! I kept refreshing, backing up, going back in, till I got the buy box... and it was ALREADY SOLD OUT!

My Facebook thread reply to CJM: They need to release more!!!!! Did you get yours? I will DIE if I don't get to that show! I could try when they go on sale to "public," I guess. Ohmyfuckinggod, I am going to DIE!

Follow-up from CJM: I got two. And it said that you only had 8 mins from beginning to end to buy tickets. They must have known it would be insane.

I post a new status update (because the world totally needs to know the magnitude of my freak-out, and the cause of my impending massive coronary): OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. 10:10, couldn't access the ticket site for 5 minutes... no "buy" button there. NOW, it's saying SOLD OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And because that wasn't clear enough, I added: I'm going to die. DIE!

10:24, text to Tom: I'm going to die. Dead. Death.

10:25, text to Tom: Maybe they'll release more fan pre-sales, or we can get them when they go on sale to public.

I then post a frantic message on the band's Facebook wall, describing my 10AM efforts and lack of results, and begging for more fan club tickets to be released.

At 10:30, I send the following email to All Access Today Tickets: I logged in AT 10AM on the dot to buy tickets to the 10/24 Cross Canadian Ragweed show at Joe's in Chicago. At first, when you clicked "buy tickets" it gave the description, but no boxes to select price level and quantity. I never stopped refreshing the screen, backing up and re-entering... finally the price/quantity fields came up, but by 10:08 it was SOLD OUT???????????????? Will they release more fan club presales? Will I still have a shot when/if the general public sales open? I MUST attend this show! MUST!

(No, I was not exactly subtle.) (Desperate times.)

I keep exiting and re-entering the ticket site, hoping something will change. It doesn't. I decide to catch my breath and try to come up with a Plan B. Desperation is making me dizzy. I try to tell myself that it will not be the end of the world if I don't get to go to this concert. I do not believe me.

I go out on the deck, thankfully taking Elroy the EVO with me, because I get a follow-up from CJM.

CJM: They're back up!! QUICK!! GET YOUR TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!

I race back inside, nearly braining myself on the patio door, dogs scattering out of my way (because clearly I am deranged and am not currently carrying any treats), and dive onto the Sofur and reach for the laptop.

Click, click. Shit.

My reply to CJM: NO! Still saying sold out!

CJM: come on, I have 2 tickets on hold for $25.00 let's go!!

Awwww, aren't Ragweed fans amazing? She is willing to secure the tickets for me, since for some inexplicable reason she can get through and I can't. But then I try once more, and (cue glorious shaft of heavenly light and sounds of a million virgin choir boys) get through!

Moments later, I have the email confirmation of my order of two tickets. Check to see if I've wet my pants. Nope. Whew.

Time for another Facebook status update: OH, Praise to the almighty flying spaghetti monster! They released more tickets, and I GOTS THEM! Happywhirlybouncydanceofjoy!

10:51 AM, text to Tom: They released more, and I got our two! I can breathe again but my hands are still shaking. Xoxo.

Along about here I get the reply from the ticket company (very prompt, considering the level of chaos they were dealing with) saying they figured out the problem immediately, fixed it, and I could order tickets. Which I just had. Thankfully.

Because they were sold out again in a few minutes.

We Ragweed fans are a fiercely loyal, devoted, and clinically insane bunch.

11:00 AM, text to Tom: This has been the most exhausting, terrifying hour of my life. Holy shit. Xoxo.

JPF's comment on my most recent Facebook update: I am very happy that you ARE. NOT. GOING. TO. DIE.

My reply to JPF: I almost had a f**king heart attack.

Then more chatting took place, mainly between myself, CJM, and RP, about what a totally, incredibly, mind-blowingly, KICK ASS show this is going to be. As their last performance as a band (barring future reunions or special appearances... which might or might not ever happen), you know these guys are going to go out with a BANG and not a WHIMPER, so I'm expecting the most over-the-top-amazing night.

We're also seeing them the two nights before that, at two different casinos in Iowa. Cody and Jeremy are staying in the business, forming a new band with two other great musicians, and I can't wait to see them when they hit the road. I know they'll be incredible... but there will never be another Ragweed. They've meant a lot to me over the years, and not having that new music to look forward to will be sad. But as long as Cody is moving on and still performing, I'll probably live.

But I wasn't too sure about that for an hour or so this morning!

Bits & Pieces

Sorry for the MIA, FFFans, but life has been a little complicated lately. I figured I'd better pop on here, though, and reassure you that I'm still alive. Let's see if I can come up with a few semi-blogworthy tidbits. Consider it the Headline News version of my life.

Things at work are making me cranky and/or crazy. There have been changes, and there are further potential changes, and I'm still planning to retire, and I'm not sure how all the pieces fit together.

I had a big almost-break with the book when a major editor requested the full manuscript, said she really liked it, asked how I'd do a sequel... then decided to pass on publishing it. I still have some agent submissions out there, and will do some more. I just don't know what to do next. That agent got me all thinking about a Seth and Abby sequel, so now I kind of want to write that, but how much sense does it make to write the sequel for a book that thus far nobody wants to represent or publish? I'll probably go ahead and start on the Gold mystery, but I plan to feel sorry for myself for a few more days first.

We had major hail a couple of weeks ago, and now we need a new roof.


Hey, if we want to sell this place, a brand-new roof will be handy, but the thought of workers swarming over my house's exterior while Brody tries to chew the cranks off the windows so he can leap out and take them down will be bothersome. He also still barks like a maniac when he hears a doorbell on TV, despite the fact that we haven't had a doorbell in two years. It broke, and since a doorbell only makes it easier for people to announce that they are here to disturb us, we never replaced it.

Speaking of dogs (which I frequently am), Brody and Ozark are infatuated with the new renters in the house next door. They have a black lab who, despite the lack of a fence and living right on a fairly busy county road, never leaves the yard. They also have a cat. Oh, and two or three kids. I think. I've seen a small human who appears to be of the male persuasion. I might've seen the adult female human holding a baby. And there is possibly a small female creature, but I'm not sure. I am a terrible spy, because I pretty much don't like looking at people.

Brody and Ozark have taken to lying in the most remote part of the yard, just watching. Mostly. Brody has managed to get a scratch on top of his nose, and then to rip a large, bloody chunk out of his nose... and I'm blaming the cat for enticing him to try to stuff his head through the chain link fence. When I yell and the dogs don't come in, I now have to trek down the Killer Steps of Death from the deck, to the patio, out the pool gate, around the entire outside perimeter of the pool fence, over to the skinny, sheltered part of the yard facing the neighbors, and chase the fuzzy dog-butts back in the house.

On another note, Darwin has been doing some swimming.

Random thought of the day... Condiments. How do you know which ones go on which foods? Who decides? Pretend you like bologna. (Most of you eat it, but won't admit it.) I put tons of ketchup on bologna. Tom thinks this is disgusting, and prefers mayonnaise, which I think is disgusting. Ham: Mustard or mayo, but never, ever ketchup. Burgers: Ketchup and mustard, never mayo. Roast beef: Same as ham. Burgers and roast beef are both cow-based, but require totally different condiments. I'm such an enigma.

Egg salad: Just don't eat it. I mean, ew. When I was in first grade, my mom always made egg salad for my lunch, and now I can't stand it. Tom, however, loves it... and I have to leave the room when he eats it. The mushy-chewy sounds make me gag. It would seem a bit extreme to divorce someone over egg salad.

That's 'bout it. I may be alive, but my humor writing skills are somewhat under the weather.

Necessary, Truthful, and Kind

I'm supposed to be writing a funny blog. Something about pool sex or new neighbors or how a clean kitchen is starting to get on my nerves. But I can't. Not today. I have too much on my mind, and to get it out of my head, I have to write about that instead.

The "you" to whom I refer is a collective "you." It's not an individual person. I think we will all be able to own part of the negativity of that "you," and we should all resolve to do better, be better, and treat other people better.

Nobody's perfect.

I'm not, you're not, and neither are those around you.

We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. We all, in times of anger or frustration, give voice to things that are better left unsaid.

But you can't judge anyone by a single insult, a single slight, or a single error.

You also can't judge anyone by a single act of kindness.

You have to look at the big picture. You have to forgive the occasional injury and consider the whole person, who they are, and how they fit into your life.

And sometimes you have to separate yourself from a person or a situation, because the pain is too frequent, the kindnesses sporadic and insincere, and the damage to your spirit too overwhelming.

Consider the person whose heart is bigger than all the rest put together, who tries harder than anyone, and who - no matter how difficult the day - always works to see it in the brightest light and lift up everyone else. When they can no longer endure... what does that tell you?

When someone feels so small in your presence, so inadequate and unwanted, that her loyalty, passion, and determination are no longer enough to protect her, when she has to abandon all that she's worked for... what does that tell you?

None of this happens because of a single event. It feels almost like an emotionally abusive relationship... and, in fact, it probably is. "I love you, you're the best." "You're stupid and annoying." "I'm sorry, I think you're awesome." "You're not as good as everybody else." "I'm your friend! You rock!"

Sometimes saying something kind isn't enough anymore, when there are too many scars from too many painful darts.

It's selfish, allowing yourself to say cruel things. It makes you feel better, but it makes everyone else feel worse. Word always gets around.

If that person is generous enough, they will forgive you... but they can't ever forget. And then, one day, it's too much. They would rather face financial uncertainty, the loss of years of work and effort, the (unwarranted) feeling that they somehow failed, than spend one more minute with you.

What does that tell you?

It makes me reflect on sincerity and hypocrisy, lifting each other up versus the bitter erosion of the spirit. It makes me doubt the truth of your supposed friendship. How can I witness the casual cruelty inflicted on someone else, someone wholly undeserving of it, and believe the self you present to me is genuine?

I can't.

"If it is not necessary, truthful, and kind... don't say it." Is that such a difficult philosophy to embrace? It's simple, really. No, you won't be able to achieve this every minute, every interaction, every day. Nobody can. But it's about the big picture. Are you more generous and forgiving than hurtful and petty?

When someone will sacrifice so much in order to escape you... what does that tell you?

Things have changed, and I hope you can live with the repercussions.

Every action - or, in my case, inaction - has consequences.

And I have to live with that.